September 21, 2010

How to Deal With Men and Heartbreaks - Changing Our Mentality


The first step is to change how our minds work. If we want a large reformation, it must start from within.

Here are some of our usual mentalities and habits that are needed to be disposed from our systems:

1. “My ideal man is like Edward Cullen!”

Have you ever read or watched Twilight? I'm sure you know very well (or atleast familiar) with the ever-so-perfect male vamp Edward Cullen played by Robert Pattinson on the movie adaptations of the series. You know why most of the Twi-fan girls are so obsessed with Edward or Rob? It's not just because of Pattinson's hot features and looks. It's because of the character he's playing – Edward. If you're living a million miles away from civilization, you might be asking, “Uhm, what's with that Edward Cullen?”

Edward Cullen is one of the main characters of Twilight Saga. He's a hot vampire (a good one) who fell in love with Isabella Swan or “Bella”. All throughout the story, Edward portrays the perfect ideal man of every woman's dream – good looking, over-protective, sweet, thoughtful, understanding, willing to sacrifice everything for love, one-woman man... name it!

One of the questions on my survey I conducted on different schools, companies and even online was, “What is your ideal man?”. Surprisingly (or not), 72% answered “Like Edward Cullen!:-)”

If I ask you the same question, and you're going to answer me the same thing that this 72% wrote on their papers, well, I hate to burst your bubble... really. But Edward doesn't exist in reality... and no man in this planet is “like Edward Cullen”. He's just a plain fictional character who only exists on Stephenie Meyer's books. Stop dreaming that someday you will get to meet an “Edward”... yeah, maybe during the first stages of your relationship you'll feel like “Bella”. But I will bet my whole life on it – It won't last.

Let us change this. Instead, leave that question blank. Stop thinking about how your ideal man would or should be. If you think that you love him because he had passed your standards, then that isn't “love”. You just love the idea of falling in love with a man who you thought is your ideal one.

2. “I love him, that's all that counts now.”

So there, you gave up everything just to be with him – “You and me against the world”. But when worse comes to worse like for example, he “accidentally” fell for another woman (which is unfortunately happening to 68% of couples based on statistics), do you think that he'd be there for you during the countless tearful and sleepless nights? Of course not. You would probably want to call your mom, sister or even friends, but calling them means swallowing your pride. Hard, isn't it? Maybe you would just find yourself alone... alone in your room crying your heart out.

It is still important to consider advices and weighing your options before entering a “No Way Out” situation. Don't let that affection lose everything (and everyone) you have now.

3. “I feel that we're the one destined for each other.”

Our destinies aren't written on scrolls several thousand years before we're born. This also goes with soul mates. We're the ones who plan for ourselves, choose our partners, and make our own decisions. Start quitting the habit of reading horoscopes, visiting fortune tellers and asking for signs.

4. “We're on our 6th year next week, I can not afford to lose him now!”

Alright... but is it still working? If not, then stop wasting your time. Loosen up, there are millions of fishes in the sea. My bestfriend in high school once told me, “How could you find the right person if you don't want to let go of the wrong one?”. A very simple question, but a very meaningful one.

Don't let the duration of your relationship pull you back from opening your doors and breathing some fresh new air.

5. “Long distance relationships only require love and trust to work.”

No, that isn't true. A person involved in a long distance relationship is more prone to temptations. And in most cases, even the guys who truly love their girls can not resist these. Certain factors such as loneliness and depressions lead these men to taste new dishes on the menu.

Almost 15% of the husbands working overseas now have new families with the women they met there.

6. “I will keep on holding on to our relationship, even though it's tearing my heart apart. That's how I love him.”

Don't let the flames reach your skin... before it does, get a bucket of sand or water and kill the fire right away.

There's nothing wrong to be a martyr but we can't change the fact that even before Christ made His way to earth, martyrs were made to die.

Give yourself some respect. You should love yourself more than you do with your boyfriends or husbands. In return, you will be rewarded with the same kind of respect that you deserve from them.

7. “My ex's still inviting me to come over his place. I think he still loves me!”

You're the luckiest woman in the world if the reason why he invited you to come over is because he's hosting a tea party or a bible study session.

You know what I mean. Love is different from lust. Don't be a booty call. You're not the one he's missing... your "hotcake".

8. “He said he wanted a 'cool off'. I'll just wait for him to come back.”

I'd prefer a “total break up” than a stupid “cool off”. Generally, “cooling off” in a relationship means taking a break or being apart from each other for some time to think, relax, and unwind.

But today, this is becoming a gateway for most of the guys to have a chance to be with their new “prospects”. So if everything fails, they could get back to their real commitments anytime they wish.

9. “I can't live without him.”

That's stupid. Of course, you can! It's not like he's already there from day one when you were born.

There are a lot of different mentalities every woman in this world has. But once you've mastered those I mentioned above, everything will follow.

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